School Avoidance and Separation Anxiety are two anxiety conditions that are often confused and misdiagnosed in children and youth. Both anxiety concerns have similar presenting behaviours including fear, worry, sadness, or illness (i.e. headaches, stomach aches, somatic symptoms). There are some unique differences between the two.
Separation Anxiety Excessive fear or anxiety concerning separation from home or attachment figures. The anxiety exceeds what may be expected given the person's developmental level and can occur in multiple social environments. Separation Anxiety occurs in one or multiple social and non-social environments (school, outside activities, visiting family, or the home). | School Avoidance Excessive fear or anxiety resulting in refusal or avoiding school or school events. Children may fake illnesses or makeup excuses to avoid going to school. School Avoidance behaviours occur predominately around school environments (before, during, after, or school events). |
In such instances, school avoidance is due to fear of being judged negatively by others rather than worries about being separated from attachment figures. However, both anxiety concerns revolve around a child’s perceived fear/worry and their coping strategies.
Children can experience feelings of being unsafe in any unfamiliar or challenging environment including being in a new place, around new people, and experiencing new activities. It is these unsafe feelings that produce the most anxiety for young people of any age. Unfortunately, school is an environment that meets all these aspects by exposing children to new classrooms, new friends and teachers, and often new challenging activities both with class work and navigating social situations.
There are simple ways of supporting your child whether they are experiencing Separation Anxiety or School Avoidance Anxiety.
Acknowledge their emotions and experiences. You don’t have to agree but understanding that this is how they are feeling normalises their emotions.
Ask Questions about what happened. Allowing them time to vent and externalise what they are experiencing and feeling.
Gently Challenge them to think of different thoughts or scenarios around what they are experiencing. “How can it be different?” “What else can you do?” “Who else can you go to for help?” “Name three things you are looking forward to?” “Name three things that you enjoyed today?”
Self-Care activities to help reduce anxiety or worries. Think of how you would overcome your worry and if it is a healthy option role model and discuss it with your child. Or think of new and different coping strategies and self-care activities and then talk about whether they worked, if anything needed to be changed, and whether it was a healthy strategy.
Be Present and take each day as it comes. Often, we worry about future things. Being present in the moment and taking one step at a time helps reduce the worries we can experience. A morning and evening routine help to stay present.
Great Self-Care and Coping strategies
Daily routine or visible daily planner.
Relaxation techniques (play, breathing exercises, meditation, exercise)
Family time, either eating dinner, playing games, or talking together can help reconnect children that are experiencing anxiety and bring them back to a baseline.
Communicating boundaries and emotions. Allowing children, the opportunity to express themselves to different people rather than us speaking on their behalf allows them the practice and courage to do it when we are not around.
Work with the school on Personalised Learning Plans to help manage anxiety and worries at school. Include what works in both environments and review to see if they are still working.
Tamara Wickham
School Counsellor